i hate my stupid pills

listen carefully as our options have changed

Once in college I told a friend of mine that I tried never to take Advil for headaches because I wanted to be able to get through a headache without assistance. Said friend gave me a long look and then said: “Do you really anticipate some future in which you are unable to get Advil?” I had to admit, I did not. Now I am not supposed to take Advil for other reasons, so I guess I was wiser than I knew. Though I still take it, actually, just with caution, by which I mean I don’t wash it down with black coffee anymore.

Anyway, this story exists in my mind as a statement about how I hate depending on medical science even though I have no choice but to do so because

• my eyesight is terrible,

• my pancreas barely works, and

• my internal voice that says “kill urself? kill urself tonite? kill urself tonite queen?” broadcasts at a suboptimal volume

Plus, I hate headaches.

So I have to take my stupid little vitamins and supplements and wear my stupid glasses and take my stupid pills. It’s fine. It’s not l…