ode to incapacity

on not being able to do things

Ladon via Wikimedia Commons

Something I’ve learned from being sick is what it means not to be able to do things. There are naturally many things I can’t do, but they are mostly things I could do: I cannot play bridge, but I could learn. Then sometimes I’m in a state of mental distress where I just want to lie around—I feel exhausted and unable to do things—but I am not actually unable to do things and making myself get up, get out of bed, brush your teeth, etc, is all possible and even important.

Being sick is different. There’s an absolute wall and it has nothing to do with me. If I’m in a lot of pain and in bed I’m just not moving. If something is sitting on the other side of the room, I’m just not getting it. If my dog throws up slightly outside my reach, the vomit and I will simply have to live a life of peaceful co-existence.

With pancreatitis this is al…