_(14760211046).jpg)
Some days I feel like I have no skin. Everything bothers me. Every sound makes me want to fly into a rage and every encounter makes me want to cry. This state of bewildered fury is surely what it was like to be a baby. However, I am not a baby. I am an adult, and part of adulthood is proper handling of one’s emotions.
I don’t really know how to handle it, though. Where does this extreme sensitivity even come from? What does it mean? When it’s here it’s overwhelming, when it’s gone it’s gone absolutely. My normal tricks don’t work. Some days I just wake up feeling like a ticking bomb and my priority becomes “don’t explode.” But the next day, and the next, and the next, I might feel nothing at all. Then sometimes I feel something unzip inside me and all this sadness comes out. It feels like all my organs are sliding out of my body. It’s better than the anger. I understand my own sadness.
It’s not as useful as feeling nothing.
Lately I find myself thinking about scabs and scar tissue. A s…